Skip to main content

Maybe it's time to start rethinking a few of my own biases

The Kid was not amused, 
although she did enjoy meeting 
Mommy's friends at University of Tampa.
I met the boyfriend of someone very close to me today. He wanted to make a good first impression, and luckily, he decided the best way to do that was just to be himself. As soon as most men in his position start trying to be impressive, they put on a false front and lose me. My grandfather used to say you can't bullshit a bullshitter, and I learned to be patient while learning from him not to accept bullshit.

Anyway, midway through lunch, this young man impressed me most when he told Gladys and I how much he admired us for adopting. Usually, when I hear this, I cringe because it's usually followed by a comment about how "those kids" need a good family to bring them up right. 

Admittedly, I interpret the phrase "those kids" as "those brown kids" when it's white folk who say that to me, because there is always the wink and nod that is supposed to convey understanding among pale people. That wink and nod usually tell me that the only way kids are raised correctly is by people who are of the appropriate color. And I usually just say thank you and move on rather than seek to understand because I really don't want to understand. 

But his story was different. He was adopted at six months old. He was tearing up talking about it, because he felt a great deal of love from his adopted parents. They chose to be his parents and that meant the world to him. They chose to adopt locally, and feeling like he has a great life, feels like it is due to a couple who decided to adopt a baby in their backyard. He feels anyone who walks in those footsteps are honorable and valorous.     

I never thought about our decision to adopt The Kid through that lens. We just wanted a daughter or son to raise. We wanted a little family of our own, and adoption provided us our only avenue to become parents.  In fact, sometimes I feel our decision is almost selfish because The Kid gives us so much more love, affection, and amusement than we ever expected. 

As The Kid and Gladys are sleeping, and I'm wide awake reflecting on the day, I keep coming back to a few themes. 
  1. If a self-described Florida cracker can shock my system about admiring us for adopting, maybe I should hear people out instead of jump to the conclusions my biases tell me are a logical destination. 
  2. I need to accept that many people will never make the decision that Gladys and I did to adopt. While that's okay for many people, it's also just fine for people to be impressed with our decision. 
  3. Running into another adoptee who loves their adopted parents gives me comfort. 
  4. This guy made a great impression by being himself. I think he's a great fit so far, and I look forward to being proven right about that conclusion. He isn't a bullshitter.  

Popular posts from this blog

Our family became whole because another family fell apart

A co-worker shared a powerful story from Huffington Post with me today. It was one adoptive mother's account of the days from meeting their birth mother to walking away from the hospital with their soon-to-be-adopted daughter in tow. I almost cried reading it because I can relate to the story in many ways, especially the feelings of uncertainty that are ever present until you see the amended birth certificate in the mail. 
"Bearing witness to her sorrow, I realize BabyMama is also experiencing three days of labor. As we text and grieve, we experience the contractions of the heart and body and mind together." -Kathleen Dennehy 
Our situation was different. The family in the story had to wait for three days in the hospital while the birth mother had to make the impossible decision to surrender her child for adoption. The Kid's foster mom had taken her home from the hospital and cared for her until her birth parent's legal rights to custody were terminated. We met h…

To a generous young trick-or-treater for his kindness

Our neighborhood is unbelievable on Halloween night. Starting about 6 p.m., our street is packed with trick-or-treaters. If you don't start stockpiling candy early, you could go broke trying to keep up with the crowd.

The Kid doesn't really like the trick-or-treating part, she loves to hand out the candy. She ventured out twice, once with me and once with Grandma, but returned because she loved being the helper kid who was making everyone enjoy their holiday.

One young man hesitated at our door after she stuffed a few treats into his bag. If I had to guess, he was about 10 or 11 years old himself. He started fumbling in his bag, pulled out a treat and said, "This is for her since she hasn't been out trick-or-treating for herself."

I think he was a little embarrassed by our effusive praise of his generosity. He didn't have to do that for our little Wonder Woman. She was having a great time and has a boatload of candy from her two tours of our block. But he wa…

My fourth Father's Day

This Father's Day is a happy one while being a great day for personal reflection. The Kid could hardly contain her excitement waiting for me to wake up so she could give me her gifts. Church, lunch at the Original Buddy's Pizza and kayaking on Lake Muskoday made today happy.

I also can't help reflect on the past. Four years ago today, we were at Lincoln Hall of Justice, Family Division in front of Judge Christopher Dingell to finalize The Kid's adoption.

It was a strange day. Our adoption could have been over a few weeks before if we had opted to have Wayne County Courts mail us her new birth certificate, but we decided we wanted to hear it from the judge himself. What we assumed would be a joyous occasion wasn't, the Judge was annoyed we wasted his time and told his clerk as soon as he decreed our adoption final that he never wanted to do another hearing like that again.

Still, it was a joyous day. Adoption Day unintentionally fell on my grandmother's birthda…


Ebates Coupons and Cash Back