Skip to main content

Maybe it's time to start rethinking a few of my own biases

The Kid was not amused, 
although she did enjoy meeting 
Mommy's friends at University of Tampa.
I met the boyfriend of someone very close to me today. He wanted to make a good first impression, and luckily, he decided the best way to do that was just to be himself. As soon as most men in his position start trying to be impressive, they put on a false front and lose me. My grandfather used to say you can't bullshit a bullshitter, and I learned to be patient while learning from him not to accept bullshit.

Anyway, midway through lunch, this young man impressed me most when he told Gladys and I how much he admired us for adopting. Usually, when I hear this, I cringe because it's usually followed by a comment about how "those kids" need a good family to bring them up right. 

Admittedly, I interpret the phrase "those kids" as "those brown kids" when it's white folk who say that to me, because there is always the wink and nod that is supposed to convey understanding among pale people. That wink and nod usually tell me that the only way kids are raised correctly is by people who are of the appropriate color. And I usually just say thank you and move on rather than seek to understand because I really don't want to understand. 

But his story was different. He was adopted at six months old. He was tearing up talking about it, because he felt a great deal of love from his adopted parents. They chose to be his parents and that meant the world to him. They chose to adopt locally, and feeling like he has a great life, feels like it is due to a couple who decided to adopt a baby in their backyard. He feels anyone who walks in those footsteps are honorable and valorous.     

I never thought about our decision to adopt The Kid through that lens. We just wanted a daughter or son to raise. We wanted a little family of our own, and adoption provided us our only avenue to become parents.  In fact, sometimes I feel our decision is almost selfish because The Kid gives us so much more love, affection, and amusement than we ever expected. 

As The Kid and Gladys are sleeping, and I'm wide awake reflecting on the day, I keep coming back to a few themes. 
  1. If a self-described Florida cracker can shock my system about admiring us for adopting, maybe I should hear people out instead of jump to the conclusions my biases tell me are a logical destination. 
  2. I need to accept that many people will never make the decision that Gladys and I did to adopt. While that's okay for many people, it's also just fine for people to be impressed with our decision. 
  3. Running into another adoptee who loves their adopted parents gives me comfort. 
  4. This guy made a great impression by being himself. I think he's a great fit so far, and I look forward to being proven right about that conclusion. He isn't a bullshitter.  

Popular posts from this blog

My fourth Father's Day

This Father's Day is a happy one while being a great day for personal reflection. The Kid could hardly contain her excitement waiting for me to wake up so she could give me her gifts. Church, lunch at the Original Buddy's Pizza and kayaking on Lake Muskoday made today happy.

I also can't help reflect on the past. Four years ago today, we were at Lincoln Hall of Justice, Family Division in front of Judge Christopher Dingell to finalize The Kid's adoption.

It was a strange day. Our adoption could have been over a few weeks before if we had opted to have Wayne County Courts mail us her new birth certificate, but we decided we wanted to hear it from the judge himself. What we assumed would be a joyous occasion wasn't, the Judge was annoyed we wasted his time and told his clerk as soon as he decreed our adoption final that he never wanted to do another hearing like that again.

Still, it was a joyous day. Adoption Day unintentionally fell on my grandmother's birthda…

Reflecting on our walk in the enchanted forest

The weekend before Mother's Day, The Kid and I went on a lovely walk through a beautiful enchanted forest. There was lush green grass, towering trees that shaded you from the hot sun, beautiful flora lined our path, and healthy fauna seemed to appear around every corner. That was until we turned a corner and encountered ponds filled with hungry, biting alligators and angry dragons. We ran through that part, narrowly escaping our impending doom.

Our harrowing escape made our walk through the rest of our neighborhood that much more enjoyable.

On the way home, The Kid started worrying that we hadn't done anything for Mother's Day and started to pick weeds out of a neighbors yard. It was the prettiest flower she could find. I started to protest, we have plenty of weeds in our own yard, but The Kid insisted because she wanted Mama to have something beautiful from our walk. We ended up with a few pockets full of maple seeds and her flower.

Mama was appropriately, genuinely exci…

Year one with The Kid, the start of an amazing life as a family

One year ago, I was running to the Target in the Eastland Mall because we needed a camera fast.  I woke up that morning, realizing that we would always want to remember that day with better photos than we would get from our smartphones. I was on a conference call for work as I ran through the store, half paying attention because I needed to hurry back to pick up Gladys so we could get to Catholic Social Services of Wayne County in time for our meeting.

I didn't want to be late for our first chance to meet The Kid.

Gladys and I were both nervous. We had seen a few pictures during our last visit with our social worker, and we had the family history the agency was allowed to release to us, but we didn't know a thing about The Kid's personality. Was she shy or playful? Would she be scared or was she curious about her surroundings? Would she cry when she met us or would she warm up to us? Would she like us?

We agreed to try playing it cool when we met her. We wouldn't rush…

Ebates

Ebates Coupons and Cash Back