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Ready for the First Annual Fathers of Toddlers Games?

As the winter games in Sochi start heating up, and my interest in them is only held when I'm near a CBC broadcast of the games, my mind started racing. What's an average Joe like me, who has a toddler, thinks he could be athletic again someday, and has the remnants of a competitive streak, supposed to do when his dreams of competing in the winter games melts away?

Create his own games, that's what!

For example, in the travel category:
  • Diaper bag packing dash. Dads get the opportunity to back a diaper bag suitable for a shopping trip to Costco. This competition would be timed, because everything is timed with a toddler in the house, and style points can be earned by going beyond just the basics of diapers and wipes. Your style points can be multiplied by the degree of difficulty, which is lowered by asking your wife for help.
  • Road trip fight for the radio. Every father wants their kids to understand cool music, and the creepy nursery rhymes your little one learns in daycare are not cool! This is a timed endurance competition, with the winner resisting pressure from your wife and your little one longer than anyone thought possible.
  • How long can you hold it? Parents of toddlers are notoriously sleep deprived, so coffee becomes the basis of our diets. On a road trip, we consume even more to stay awake long enough to collapse at our destination. On the flip side, we all know coffee makes you have to pee more. And once a child is freed from the shackles of a car seat, getting them back in becomes exceedingly difficult. This endurance test lets you drink all the coffee you, while awarding the gold to the man who can go the longest without pulling over for a rest stop.
  • Extreme baggage carrying. This competition tests your endurance and your base strength levels. the premise is easy, carry all of your bags for a weekend get away from the car to your room in one trip. It is a timed competition, with points being deducted for dropping bags and a second trip to the car means disqualification.
In the life skills category:
  • How long can you go without laughing? The first time your kid makes fart noises in public is usually one of the proudest moments of many father's parenting career. It also enrages your significant other, and that could cost you the gold metal!
  • Can you survive the toddler nut-shot? Angry toddlers know their dad's have few weaknesses, so they always go for what works. Hitting you in the junk. In this competition, you have to hold a 25 lb. bag of flour as you get kicked in the nads. The longer you can stand upright, the better your chances of winning. And, unlike baseball, crying is allowed in this sport!
  • Single dad dinner dash. Every so often, your spouse will leave town and the cooking is suddenly up to you. Do your culinary skills pass the toddler test? Is your go-to "mom's not home" meal healthy? If so, you might just win.
  • Who falls asleep first? Embarrassing as it is, tired parents will inevitably fall asleep reading to their toddler and sometimes, that urchin will try to wake you up so you can finish the story. This competition pits you against your toddler to see who falls asleep first.
In the physical tools category:
  • The sled drag. Toddlers really shouldn't be going downhill in a sled, but they sure do like being dragged everywhere in one. The premise of this competition is a tractor pull, and you can win simply by dragging your kid in a sled further than the next man. 
  • The three yard dash. Explosive speed is needed when your toddler decides to do thing like climb on the kitchen table, or make a break for the toilet paper roll. Warning, there are no starting blocks in this race. It's your best time from the seated position to your child, just like in real life.
  • The "Rock A Bye Baby" drop. Of course, no Papa wants to drop their toddler, but toddlers like to taste the sensation of falling. This is another endurance competition, to see how many renditions of "Rock A Bye Baby" you can make it through, including the 'drop', without dropping yourself. 
What competitions would you add? 

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